Wow what a question, In the midst of my grief, I didn’t even know what I did yesterday let alone what I needed to do tomorrow. I remember many people asking me what they can do. This is such a hard question to answer. I never knew what I needed until the moment I needed it. I know that people want to help and I know they don’t know what they should do. My advice looking back at it would be two fold. The first is for the person who is drowning in their grief. Keep a little notebook, write things down and carry the notebook with you. I could never remember what I needed yesterday or what I was going to need. The second is for the person offering help. Just offer something specific. I knew a lady that offered to clean bathrooms for a friend that had lost her son. Wow, it was so appreciated. My friend would have never thought to ask. She hated cleaning bathrooms and was having a hard time with life. This was a welcome relief.

Those first years after my husband died I needed help many times. I realized I did need help after someone had asked and the moment of offering had passed. I had to learn to ask for help. This was humiliating at first. Then I realized that by asking others to help me I was allowing them a chance to show their love for me. I also realized that we are not meant to go things alone all the time.There are people out there that would like to help us.Besides, all they can say is no. I rarely would get that answer. That was because most people wanted to help but they just didn’t know what to do.

If you need help with something, go ahead and ask. You may be amazed how many people there are that are willing to give you a hand.

If you need more help than what your friends can give, a therapist or counselor may be helpful in unraveling the affects of loss.  I work as a Marriage and Family Therapist in Fort Collins Colorado.  You can reach me here

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