Consent:

For obvious reasons, many people are talking about consent. Consent is a really big deal, and everyone needs to talk about it for themselves and for each other. Consent isn’t just a conversation about sex; it’s a conversation about boundaries and respect. It’s an understanding that each person has the right to decide who has access to their bodies—and when and why. Consent is about communication. Consent is about agency. 

What Consent is NOT 

  • Silence or passivity is not consent
  • Saying “no” is not consent
  • Implied consent is not a thing
  • Submission due to fear is not consent
  • Acquiescence due to guilt (no one owes anyone anything) is not consent
  • Someone intoxicated and incapable of making rational decisions cannot give consent

What Consent IS 

  • Saying “Yes.” And genuinely meaning it
  • Giving non-verbal cues of encouragement and enjoyment
  • You embracing your agency
  • You taking ownership of your body
  • You having the power to choose who gets to do what and when with your body
  • Self-love
  • For more info on what consent is, check out NYU’s video “Let’s Talk About Consent” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TBFCeGDVAdQ 

Not sure whether or not your partner consents to what you’re doing? Ask. (H4)

Still unsure? Check out this video about consent and tea:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=1&v=oQbei5JGiT8 

Consent in Existing Relationships 

Nurturing a healthy sex life in a long-term relationship often involves exploration and pushing boundaries. This invariably means that you will have to discuss with each other what boundaries you consent to pushing and whether or not it’s still okay in the moment. Communication ensures that all parties are comfortable, happy, and having a good time. Sex should be about having a good time.  

Consent mirrors other facets of your relationship. If your partner isn’t listening to you or respecting your boundaries during sex, they likely aren’t listening to or respecting other boundaries. Talking about consent leads to better communication, better relationships, and better sex. 

If you or your partner aren’t respecting boundaries of consent, then it might be time to examine other areas of your relationship that could use the same kind if T.L.C. Creating an open and honest environment for partners to discuss consent, boundaries, and what they actually enjoy can help every facet of your relationship. 

Get the relationship and sex life you deserve, and start the conversation. 

Consent & Intoxication 

Being young and carefree and open to new experiences can leave you vulnerable to being taken advantage of, being sexually assaulted, and being raped. Always go out with people you truly trust to help get you home safely and be your advocate. No one has a right to make you do anything you don’t want to do.

It doesn’t matter what you’re wearing, where you are, what you’re doing, or who you’re with. You have the power to say “no” at any time. No one has the right to take advantage of you. 

Alcohol is one of the most common date-rape drugs. Whether you’re a college student on campus, a twenty-five-year-old out at a bar, or a middle-aged person going on a date, you should always be safe and diligent. You have a right to say that you don’t want any more to drink the same way you have a right to say you don’t want to have sex. 

An intoxicated person can’t give consent. It’s as simple as that. 

Someone who has passed out can’t give consent. 

Who Needs to Talk About Consent 

Everyone. Consent is not a subject we need to project directly at men. Women, too, push, don’t listen, and don’t respect boundaries. We all need to be talking about consent. Consent is a both/and conversation. 

Anyone who wants to have better sex should start talking about consent. 

Anyone who has had a sexual experience wherein they didn’t give consent should start talking about consent. 

Anyone who hasn’t yet should start talking about consent. 

Anyone who is talking about consent should keep talking about consent. 

Sexy Facts About Consent 

  • Consent can be revoked at any time
  • Past consent does not give you present or future consent
  • Just because you give consent to one thing, it doesn’t mean you give consent to everything
  • Consent requires checking in with your partner or partners
  • Consent leads to better sex
  • Consent leads to better relationships & communication
  • You don’t owe anyone anything
  • You don’t owe anyone anything
  • You don’t owe anyone anything

When was the last time you talked about consent? What would happen to relationships if talking about boundaries and consent were the norm? 

Parting Words: It is not, was not, will not be your fault.

Video: What were you wearing?

If you or someone you loved has been the victim of sexual assault, and you are looking for a therapist,  contact Kari Weiler    at Weiler Counseling today to schedule a consultation. 

Resources

RAINN:

From RAINN “National Resources for Sexual Assault Survivors and their Loved Ones”

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