Are you checking out during sex?

Do you find yourself going somewhere else in your head during sex?  Do you hear yourself or see yourself but you are not “in your body” during intimacy?  Do you feel anxious or unsafe being “with” your partner?  Are there things that set you into a panic and you don’t understand why?  What happened?  This doesn’t make sense?

These are possible signs of trauma in your past.  You may have been abused as a child or sexually assaulted as an adult.  It may have been something you saw which scared you so much your brain put it somewhere and didn’t connect the memory to the event.  Many children that were sexually abused don’t remember until they are in their 20’s when they start exploring sexual intimacy with their partner.  What happened?  It can be very disorienting.

Working with a therapist that understands trauma and sexual issues can be helpful in unlocking the triggers left behind as footprints on your life.  These triggers are the things that send us checking out during sex or other everyday experiences.  I have told survivors you don’t need to remember.  You need to understand the triggers and work through re-wiring them so the triggers don’t control you anymore.  This is the way you can remove the footprints of abuse.  This is the way you win.  This is the way the perpetrator loses control over your life.  This is how you get to live again.

If you are struggling with unexplained triggers, it may be a good time to work with a therapist. I work as a therapist in Fort Collins Colorado.  If you would like to schedule an appointment, you my contact me here: