Sex should be hot, but it shouldn’t burn: Why your lube feels like fire
We all want hot sex, right? After all, if it isn’t thoroughly enjoyable, why do it? (pro tip: if you aren’t enjoying it, don’t do it). However, most of us can attest to that painful fire feeling when lube hits our genitals. If you know this feeling well, you’ve probably experimented with different kinds of lubricants, but do you know why some lubes seem to set your genitals on fire in the worst way possible? Let’s explore lubricants a little deeper (pun intended?) so that you can troubleshoot and know when it’s time to call in the professionals.
What is a lubricant?
Let’s start with the basics: lubricant is a fluid or gel designed to help lubricate vagina or anus to, theoretically, increase pleasure. You can use a lube for sexual activity or to alleviate day to day dryness—side note: if you’re experiencing uncomfortable daily dryness, talk to your doctor.
Why does lube burn?
There are a few reasons you lube could be burning. What ingredients of my lubricant could be causing pain or irritation?
1. Ingredients
2. Infection
3. Allergy
The ingredients in your lubricant are making your genitals feel like they’re on fire
The tissues of the vagina and anus have their own microbiome and are really sensitive to external chemicals. So, when we’re talking about products designed to be directly applied to these sensitive tissues, we need to look closely at their ingredients. Some of the top ingredients that could be causing a burning sensation are:
Parabens
Parabens can cause skin irritation and even allergic reactions. In fact, some studies have begun to indicate that parabens can cause disruptions to the endocrine system, which is really bad. While some companies are moving away from including parabens in their products, its worth checking the ingredients label.
Glycerin
Some lubes could contain glycerin, a form of sugar, which, for some, can burn on contact. If you’re using a flavored lubricant, it’s quite likely that it contains glycerin.
Alcohol
Alcohol is used as a preservative, but it can cause dryness and irritation.
Chlorhexidine
This is a common disinfectant used in veterinary settings, and it’s extremely good at killing bacteria. Unfortunately, to maintain the health of the delicate microbiome, you need bacteria in your genitals. You know how doctors recommend taking a probiotic when you’re on antibiotics to repopulate the good bacteria while killing the bad bacteria? It’s the same thing. If you kill off all of the bacteria in your vagina or anus, you’re going to end up in discomfort. A healthy microbiome is a part of health.
Nonoxynol-9 (N-9)
Some condoms come pre-lubricated with spermicides using N-9. Not only does N-9 kill the cells in your vagina or anus (you can read more about that here), but it has been linked to mild to severe allergic reactions in both men and women.
Infections
If you’ve got an infection, lube is going to irritate you more. Yeast infections change the pH of your vagina due to the overgrowth of yeast, so if you’re using a lube that, say, contains a sugar like glycerin, you may be suddenly greeted with an unpleasant fire between your legs. When lube and your natural pH are mismatched, it’ll burn.
Bacterial Vaginosis (BV) can also cause issues. Like a yeast infection, BV changes the pH of your vagina, and you’re more likely to develop BV if you are using lubricants that contain disinfectants such as chlorohexidine.
Allergies
It’s always possible that you’re allergic to the ingredients in the lube you’re using. Read the labels carefully, and if you’re not sure which ingredient is the culprit, you’ll need to spend some time troubleshooting.
Physical trauma to your vaginal tissues
Having sex with a dry vagina can cause physical trauma to the vaginal tissues. Micro-tears and cell damage can lead to irritation and pain, and when you add chemicals into the mix, they can enter into these microtears and cause a burning sensation.
What to do about pain from lubricants
If you’ve been troubleshooting and can’t seem to find a lube that works with your body, talk to your doctor to make sure there isn’t any health reason behind your response to the lubricants. If you are having issues with your physiological response (or lack thereof) to pleasure, talking with a sex therapist can help you work through whatever it is that is standing in your way.
Your first line of defense when it comes to pain associated with lubricants is to start by looking for water-based lubricants with low osmolality (you can learn all about what that means here!) like BioNude® Ultra Sensitive Personal Lubricant from Good Clean Love. In fact, the World Health Organization recommends using a personal lubricant that has a pH of 4.5 and an osmolality below 1200mOsm/kg. If you want to know what this means or how uncommon osmolality ratings this low are, check out this article.
By balancing the lubricant to the area of use, you are protecting your body’s natural flora and decreasing the risk for bacterial imbalance or die-off. Basically, you’re going to have to research and scour shelves to find a lube that works for you.
Pleasure isn’t the only thing at stake
I recently posted about the links between lubricants and STIs. When it comes down to it, lube doesn’t just impact your pleasure. Talk to your partner and get to know your body so that you can find a lubricant that supports your health and your pleasure.
Remember, in the wise words of Emily Nagoski, “pleasure is the measure.” If you aren’t finding sex pleasurable, stop. Working with a professional care provider, either a medical doctor or a sex therapist depending on the reasons for your pain, can change your life. You are entitled to pleasure, and sex shouldn’t be painful. If your lube is burning, stop using it and try something new.